dinner, but everyone's eating it in the bleachers

because lunchables always have and will always slap

Aug 17, 2026

WELCOME BACK to my unhinged series about eating dinner in motion. Do you remember that book, French Women Don’t Get Fat? And how it was all about how women don’t eat on the go, they make a ritual of it, and drink wine, and eat yogurt, and they don’t eat giant cookies but croissants are fine?

Well, the author would be v. disturbed by this series of mine. But that’s OK, because French women may not get fat but this American woman would literally starve if I didn’t eat on the go sometimes.

What we are trying to do right now is survive. Survive the season and literally survive, so our standards for our dining rituals might go out the window a little bit. Gone are the elaborate candlelit, white-tableclothed dinners you’ve been indulging in each night, going around the table with your family talking about your hopes and dreams. Those have been replaced by steering with your knee while you open an Uncrustable.

But here’s what we can do: we can make it delicious. We can make our chaos dinners something to look forward to. We can set a little intention behind it and enjoy it a lot more. Are you eating your adult Lunchable on bleachers? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe you’re eating it from a folding chair on a field. Or in your minivan. But you’re going to make the other parents jealous, you’re going to well-fed, you’re going to want to post it to your Facebook stories (We’re old, leave us alone).

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Here are the varieties we’re making:

French-inspired charcuterie Lunchable (Just to troll French Women Don’t Get Fat tbh)
Italian hoagie Lunchable
Sushi Lunchable
Mediterranean protein chicken Lunchable